He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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