Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
