I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
