i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Randomize
