It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
