there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
