So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
