i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
soo... how was my night?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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