explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
