everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
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