My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
