i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
