similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
