why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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