I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
