Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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