im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
