hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
and she was petting her beer can
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I lost the right to judge tonight
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
