Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
