Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
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