And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I need to align my fucking chakras
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
