im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
