I think my vagina is haunted
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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