I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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