Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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