Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
