yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
