What a fucking waste of an outfit
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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