i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
