I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
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