just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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