Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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