Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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