Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
