if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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