How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
