i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
