She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my shit smells like andre
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
