did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
