Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
hell yes lets make some ravioli
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
