after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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