well you can't waste a boner
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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