Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
