ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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