I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
