His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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