Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
