but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
