so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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