new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
