Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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