i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
