I cockslap morals
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
